Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Do vagina's smell?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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