I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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