so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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