At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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