Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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