Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
