I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This house was built for laser tag.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
