walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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