I wish my penis had an off switch
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
