So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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