Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
