you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
