Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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