Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
