i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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