My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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