He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I currently don't understand fingers.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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