I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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