Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
