My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
