Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
