I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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