I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize