Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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