i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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