I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
