In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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