Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I think my fart just growled at me.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings

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(425): View more from Washington

oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture

(1-425): View more from Washington

this is why i will never break up with you

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