Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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