It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
