Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
