Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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