Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
