i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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