Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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