Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
50% drunk capacity currently
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
