when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
