He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
