fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
