So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
