i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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