capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
