I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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