East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You did what with his pubic hair?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
