every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
