Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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