We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
