So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
