he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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