You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
