I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
