Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
