Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
