What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
