I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
