My first STD was from a foam party
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize