my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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