dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
