Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
