booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
