Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
