do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
