People in love make me want to vomit
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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