Swine flu is the new snow day.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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