Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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