I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
