I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
