you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
