You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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