I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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