Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
