She's JV to your varsity
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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