i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize