I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
