what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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