it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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