He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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